I had convinced myself that I was the only mother at church whose adult child wasn’t working, following the Lord, dating a wonderful Christian, or moving into his first home. At Good Friday services, forget contemplating the cross shrouded in black cloth, all I contemplated were happy parents surrounded by equally happy adult children, accentuating my aloneness. It was lonely at the bottom.

According to a guest essay in the New York Times, it turns out that I wasn’t special in my loneliness. The essay, titled, “If Loneliness Is an Epidemic, How Do We Treat It?” (Eleanor Cummins and Andrew Zaleski, July 14, 2023) stated that one-fifth of Americans over 18 always feel lonely or socially isolated.

If loneliness is an epidemic, then it can be treated as a clinical problem. Behavioral neuroscientist Dr. Stephanie Cacioppo (no stranger to loneliness herself), has been moving away from investigating a “pharmaceutical solution” to loneliness and, according to the essay, is “now promoting the acronym [are you ready for this?] GRACE, which stands for ‘gratitude, reciprocity, altruism, choice and enjoyment.’”

As Christ followers, GRACE spells out a different solution to loneliness which is long past the epidemic stage. I suspect it began in the beginning in the garden when our first parents experienced dissonance in their communication with the Creator. And Grace shows up with promises and fig leaves.

Ruth was a swirl of emotions—loneliness probably in the mix—when she threw in her lot with her bitter and lonely mother-in-law. There, Grace shows up in worthy Boaz, turns bitterness to blessing and then enters the kingly line of David.

Even King David wasn’t immune to loneliness and despair. In Psalm 6, he languishes, his bones and soul are not just troubled but greatly troubled. He starts to see Grace but is overwhelmed and exhausted with his moaning, tears and weeping. Ah, a perfect backdrop for Grace who shows up in the darkness and night as if they were bright as day and hears David’s cries and prayers.

After David and after 400 years of silence, Grace shows up again, this time in bodily form, as the only Son from the Father. I don’t know if this is what Dr. Cacioppo had in mind when she suggested that a lonely mind might be healed with help from the body, but we are healed because the Son’s body was broken for us, because his wounds brought healing to our souls, because his body was raised.

God’s redemptive, healing Grace also shows up in body that breaks bread together, that thanks God together, that does “nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility counts others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3) and looks to the interests of others.

A funny thing happened to me at the bottom of my loneliness. When my husband told our small group about some of the issues with our adult child, it turned out that everyone in our group had someone they loved with the same issues. Suddenly it was very crowded at the bottom as we cried together, prayed together and made room for Grace, make that more grace, ever even more and more grace as we lifted up each other and found rest in the One who was lifted up for us.