Our first year of wedded bliss was surprisingly wonderful for Lorraine and me. Looking back at it, we agree that we dated for too long before engagement (about three years) and then our engagement was also too long (nine months). When we finally became husband and wife, it was great. After the stress of planning the event and moving our two homes into one, we were relieved.

Relieved, but still kind of new at this marriage thing and a lot of stuff just happens by trial and error. So, imagine my surprise and dismay when I looked over at Lorraine during a worship service one Sunday and saw her crying. It was a happy time in church. The children’s choirs were singing. It wasn’t the part of church where crying was more or less a normal response.

Uh oh. Had I done something wrong? Back in year one I thought that most of the time if she was upset, it was my fault. I have since come to learn that there are many reasons for tears and things like that are not always my fault.

I put my arm around her and did a little seated side hug. She composed herself and got one of those little lace embroidered handkerchiefs out of her purse and wiped her eyes. And we continued in worship.

“What happened?” I asked her when we were in the car, headed home.

“I miss my girls,” she said. “I don’t know any of them up there singing.”

When we married, Lorraine read somewhere that it was a good idea to take a year off serving and just focus on each other. We agreed to do that. We sacrificed our service to help assure a good footing in our marriage.

Dumb idea. We should have known that not serving was not a good fit for us.

Looking back, I think maybe it wasn’t a sacrifice at all, but a selfish inward focus. It was just the sort of thing one of those wedding magazines might feature.

So when someone reached out with a new idea to reinvigorate a ministry. He invited us to take part in it. We were surprised to hear from him and to think that we might be able to help start something new. We repented and added service back into our lives.

Being married is a wonderful thing, but it didn’t take the place of Lorraine befriending and teaching the girls. For us, it wasn't an either/or kind of thing. That’s why the tears came as she looked at the girls singing in choir—she missed her midweek time with them.

We didn’t need to sacrifice service to assure a good marriage or our love for one another.

In fact, we’ve found serving in the church helps our marriage. When we give to others, we and our marriage grow stronger. Our lives are better when we serve. Sometimes we’ve served as a couple. Other times individually. When we give our time to other people in the church, we are better people for the service.

Lots of people know us as kindergarten team leaders. We’ve been doing it for a long time now. It’s such a privilege to help. Thanks to parents who allow others in the church to help point their children to Jesus. Yes, it’s the responsibility of parents to be the primary teachers of their kids, but when we serve in little ways in Kids’ Harbor or in STARS, we experience the community of church in ways unlike other parts of church life.

Nothing takes the place of service. It's in our DNA as children of the heavenly Father. Just as we love because he first loved us, we serve because "even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10:45)

And his is the only sacrifice that's necessary for salvation and service.